A Lesson in Irritation

I have been reading one of Doreen Virtue's book about Angels. Do you believe in them, or do you think it's new-age hokey crap? I like the idea that I have guardian angels around me, and in particular that my daughters have them. I am an intuitive individual. It helps in coaching, and life in general. I find it hard to believe that I am capable of having these intuitions on my own, without some kind of divine help. Same with my writing. I can write pages and pages, and then once I close my computer, I've pretty much forgotten what I've written. It feels like there's a greater force supporting me.

One point in the book that struck me was about being aware of what irritates us. It could be other people (that driver!), that child (listen!), that pet (come here!), or even that computer (just work!). Doreen, and other self-help gurus, because I know I've read this before, suggest that what gets us worked up is a reflection of something about ourselves that irritates us. My husband gets worked up when he sees that my daughter isn't working hard enough on her school work. He thinks that sitting sprawled on the couch listening to music is a sign that she is slacking off. I asked him what evidence he had that she wasn't getting good results, and he didn't have any. He said, I just worry that she's not going to develop good habits and limit herself in the future. Fair enough, I thought. Then he added, like I did. Or maybe he said, do. Aha.

I was walking the dog one day and realised that I was totally irritated with her. She was stopping at every tree, sniffing for ages, and taking her bloody time to move on. Naturally I spoke sharply at her like she could understand my annoyance, and remembering that I was controlling the lead and not her, yanked her onwards and limited her to a tree or two per street. What the heck? Doreen's words floated into my brain and I pondered what my problem was.

Here's my confession: I get irritated with high needs. Children, dogs, adults, my 19 year old cat (she is so picky with her food that I cannot keep up day to day), and even, I must admit, technology. So why? I don't consider myself a high needs person, so why do other people's high needs irritate me? The answer floated up to me: because you don't honour your own needs as much as you honour everyone else's. Bang! Typical of many women, I think. I do enjoy meeting everyone else's needs, taking care of the kids and pets and house, supporting my husband, putting all my energy into work. Okay yes, often my own needs have been tossed into the back seat.

So that is my a-ha moment this week. It's a good one. Right now I'm using it as an excuse to downgrade the amount of housework I do, and honour my need to do a little more reading. Doreen has a couple more books I'd like to get into, along with the new Lee Child. Taking Jack Reacher to bed is one of my favourite activities!